Nearly eight weeks now and I have a follow up appointment with my hand surgeon tomorrow morning. I am eager and anxious to hear what he has to say. Will those two little, broken distal phalanges have started to mend? Will I be able to remove the splints? Will there be non-union and might I hear a suggestion for more aggressive techniques?

I have spent a few minutes with a small ukulele and even a nylon string classical guitar in my lap. I can fret a few notes with my two good fingers and pick some melodies. The old Giannini guitar that belonged to my wife since before we met. I can hardly express how beautiful that inexpensive instrument sounded! I long to hold a guitar in my lap, watch the choreography of my left hand, and hear the harmonies and melodies.

It has been six weeks since the injury. I am off of any pain medication, have been for a few weeks. I saw a hand surgeon who repaired the nail bed under my index finger - don't remember if I mentioned that.

At my four week follow up, the doctor took and x-ray. Sort of a real-time x-ray. I could see my bones and I could see, when the doctor wiggled my fingertips, that the bones had not yet healed. I was disappointed in this news, of course. I was put back into splints and told to return in a month.

I now have some plastic splints which permit me to bend my fingers at the second joint. The feel stiff and I work on bending them with my other hand. The new splints permit me to wash my hand and they enable me to see my fingertips. I can remove the splints and see my fingers. This is disturbing because the sight of the injured fingers brings back the trauma of the experience. And I can not move that joint - the fingers are wooden-like at the ends. Disturbing to me.

Anxiety over regaining my ability to play the guitar comes and goes. I can most often take the word of my doctors who have said they thought that recovery would occur in time. I want to believe that, and if someone could look me in the eye and say with 100% certainty that I will play as I once could I would be much relieved.

For now... I practice patience and gratitude. Gratitude that I did not lose any fingers in the accident... gratitude that I have access to excelled medical care... and gratitude that, for the moment, I believe I will have the opportunity to begin to regain my ability to play.